Identifier

MSS.6.24

Date

7-28-1861

Subjects

United States--History--Civil War, 1861-1865; Bruen, Augusta Forrer--Correspondence; United States--History--Civil War, 1861-1865--Women

Notes

4 pages

Transcription

Dayton O. July 28th 1861 Dear Luther, I am sitting at the north eastern window in my room._ Here is Robby with his shoes and stockings off. They are on now; he agrees that there is "nussin matta-ah" with with his feet and has kissed and hugged me till my neck aches._ We have had heavy showers since yesterday morning, and feel refreshed by them. I feel better too as Robert prophesied yesterday. He said rainy days were always hard on grass-widows, wait till the sun came out and I would feel better._ I had just got your letter and the uncertainty of your position made me feel a little more depressed than before. I cannot say that I should grieve at all if you are not confirmed for this life seems worse and worse every day; nor do I think you ought really to be mortified if you are not. The only trouble, is the useless expenditure of money of which you speak._ I hope you have rented no rooms in a house. My plans have changed entirely. I think I shall telegraph you tomorrow, not to do any thing in that way until you get this letter._ Even if your appointment is confirmed, your subsequent movements must be very uncertain, and I think any great expense ought to be avoided. The most economical plan I can think of, short of staying at home, is to take Frank and go to you in the Fort, to stay as long as you wish us to; leaving Sella and Robby with Mother, and this is the only plan to which my own immediate friends accept at all. Mother and Mary have done all they can to get us ready, but I found this morning that Father was very much opposed to the former plan and said he never could give his approval. Jere and Lib felt the same way but would not speak to me till I mentioned this last idea of mine; they gave a cordial acquiescence, and Father though he thinks we had best stay at home says that will do better. But I do not wish to leave them there without compensation, of course Mother will not be able to do her sewing while the children are with her. She can earn about $3.00 per week, and I thought if you agreed to it that we would give her that, provide an extra quart of milk and get their washing done._ They would then be well taken care of, much more comfort for them and for us, besides much less expensive. Frank will need no nurse and the bother and expense of one will be avoided. I am sure the board of three children and a nurse would be much greater than my plan, and to be plain, I am not able to bear the fatigue. I am troubled with that old weakness, and lately am much annoyed with pain, soreness, and numbness in my left side._ I am afraid dear Husband, that you will feel disappointed in not seeing all of us, but I can but think you will see it in the same light if you will think of it. You would find too that the care of a family, and a house would impinge upon your duties; they of course will have to occupy the greater part of your time, and I don't believe you realize the hindrance we would all cause you. Oh, how I hate the whole of this sad business. Why must you be torn from us all? I cannot help regretting that I ever gave my consent, I feel like carrying you off out of the reach of war and holding you fast. I may be the wife of a brave soldier, but never a brave wife of a brave soldier. Luther, dearest one, forgive me, but I cannot help feeling so. You will think I change suddenly, but it is now evening and the first of my letter was written this morning._ This separation from our little one will be a great trial too, yet I think it the lesser evil of the two. Our purse is not heavy and we cannot make them as comfortable away from home. With Robby I could not stir hardly, while Frank can go every where with me, and be a dear little comfort beside. Mary is insisting that she will burn this letter but it will have to go; she says give her regards she is afraid to send her love to you. Don't think, my dearest, that I do not wish to come for indeed I must see you; I only regret not being able to bring all. It would be no easy matter to pick up three little ones and be off home with the short notice to which you will be liable. I could start with one if I must._ I think too that I can do without a new trunk; how would it do to pack but do this, your shawl and the books in a box and send them on by Express? Can you tell Father how accounts stand between you? #Howard past a better night and we hope the next few day will be lighter still, he is quite cheerful this evening and thinks Jere, (who sat up with him last night), is the best nurse he ever saw. Sella says tell you she wants to see you very much and hopes you will come. Mary proposes that I shall write to Ben Wade and tell to defeat you I am afraid the old fellow would be contrary and not do it if I did. There's no use, I'll have to let things take their own course now, but never will I be caught so again, if ever I get you safely out of there. Thine only, Augusta#

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